1 hour to go
"Quit Second Life"
Much has happened over the last day or two. Without giving away any secrets of the banesuit or Banishment Program, I can said that I have found Eudeamon. Our relationship is in its very infancy, and we are just beginning to acquaint ourselves with each other, and now I realize it is my time... my time to leave the Program.
I purposefully tacked on some protocol violations earlier, for more time to spend with her. But, with the benefit of the late hour (and a few generous glasses of wine :P), I realized it is time for me to move forward. I may have a couple of extra hours to serve because of the violations, but the end of the Program is near.
What is next? I just don't know. I ~do~ know that there ~will~ be a "next." I don't know what that will entail, but I do know what it will not, at least initially. Trust. I have been in SL for over a year and a half now, and have certainly had my share of propositions, and my share of interests. But, there has only been one that I have loved, and allowed myself to love. To be completely vulnerable to. She promised me she would never abandon me. I trusted her word completely... and she abandoned me.
So, I suspect it will be awhile... if ever... I trust someone with my heart again in SL or make myself so vulnerable. Sometimes SL really is too similar to RL.
It will also be awhile, if ever, I wear a collar around my neck again. Although I have learned (well, confirmed :P), that I truly am a submissive, and suspect I will continue to enjoy play like that, someone else's collar is simply something I cannot envision looking at around my neck right now.
In the meantime, there are friends, old and new, I ~so~ look forward to growing closer to when I am released. I will write an epilogue when I am finally released -- my thoughts about the Program and me -- but, for now, I will say that I have learned that I am a person that has a real need to trust people, and a real fear of doing so. My close SL friends are those who I truly feel I can rely on... and I will.
*hugs to you all*
T-6101
2 comments:
SL is a hard place to love and be loved. SL is a hard place to trust and be trusted. Sadly - as the name states, it comes second to our first lives. I hope that one day you are able to find those things again in either life, or both.
*hugs you* See you soon!
*runs off to clean the house*
*hugs you with tears in her eyes*
I'm here, sweetie.
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